Going on your First Trip Away with your Girlfriend

So, you have been dating for a few months now, and you both can’t seem to get enough of each other. If spending this much time together at home is so much fun, then wouldn’t it be even better to spend it overseas, exploring some exotic, romantic location? Absolutely: just follow my two golden rules.

Think Twice Before you Join a Tour Group

A tour guide is great: they know the language, culture and stop you from getting lost. Unfortunately, private tour guides are very expensive, so you will probably settle on a group tour. This means you have to share your trip with a bunch of strangers, all who have their own travel preferences. Staying sane requires working in with the group. But as this is your first trip away with your new girlfriend, you are sure to get distracted.

Case-in-point, my old college girlfriend and I went on a trip to South America. Our first stop was Brazil, where we giddily joined up with a tour guide, who had questionable english skills. He took our group through the jungle – which turned out to be a playground for the two of us, both self-confessed amatuer photographers. We stopped to take photos of everything, and as a biology geek I wrote down a tonne of notes in my journal. We were having so much fun, that we stopped noticing that our antics were holding up the group.

That was, until we one time stopped so long – that our group accidentally walked away, leaving us behind. As we cried out for help, the tour guide came running back, clearly not impressed at us two skinny white college students. “You. Poet. Be sure to write this down.” He yelled at me, “If you’re smaller than the anaconda, it considers you food. If you’re larger than the anaconda, it considers you a lot of food. Don’t get lost!” We stopped taking so many photos after that.

Don’t Go for More than a Month

And here is my second tip. Ideally you don’t want to go away for more than two weeks, but at the very least, keep it under a month. You might love your girlfriend, and she might love you – but stay away too long, and she might no longer love your ‘cute quirks’ so much.

My trip to South America lasted two months, which was far too long, as we had only known each other three months prior. By the start of the trip, I enjoyed the attention she was receiving from men for being so beautiful (as long as she only had eyes for me!) and she started out the trip thinking my jokes were hilarious, and that my passion for science was cute. Well, after 2 months of sharing blood, sweat and tears, things tend to change. In the airport coming home, we decided to eat in a resturant. Our server kept hitting on my girlfriend. I became frustrated, and so as he started to bring our drinks order to the table, I quiped:

“The enemy is approaching! Quick, inflate the toad!”

“… what?”

“… it’s a joke… female toads inflate themselves when a male comes towards them, and they don’t want to have sex…”

“… that’s just stupid. Are you saying I’m a toad?!”

“No! Well, kind of.”

“Are you saying you don’t trust me?!”

“NO!”

Needless to say, 2 months was far too long.